Be comforted, that in the face of all aridity and disillusionment, And despite the changing fortunes of time, There is always a big future in computer maintenance.
-- Anonymous
%%
Behind every successful man stands an amazed woman.
-- Anonymous
%%
Clever liars give details, but the cleverest don't.
-- Anonymous
%%
Conscience gets a lot of credit that belongs to cold feet.
-- Anonymous
%%
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
-- Anonymous
%%
George Washington is the only president who didn't blame the previous administration for his troubles.
-- Anonymous
%%
I really hate this damn machine, I wish that they would sell it. It never does just what I want, But only what I tell it.
-- Anonymous
%%
If God had meant for us to be in the Army, we would have been born with green, baggy skin.
-- Anonymous
%%
If God had meant us to eat fish fingers, he would have given fish fingers.
-- Anonymous
%%
If God had not given us sticky tape, it would have been necessary to invent it.
-- Anonymous
%%
If only Mama Cass shared that ham sandwich with Karen Carpenter, they both might be alive today.
-- Anonymous
%%
If pro is the opposite of con, then what is the opposite of Progress?
-- Anonymous
%%
If there is anything better than to be loved it is loving.
-- Anonymous
%%
If you're not five minutes early, you're ten minutes late.
-- Anonymous
%%
Illiterate? Write for help!
-- Anonymous
%%
Is life worth living? That depends on the liver.
-- Anonymous
%%
Law of Computability Applied to Social Sciences: If at first you don't succeed, transform your data set.
-- Anonymous
%%
Life is a swirling eddy of despair in an ever blackening universe.
-- Anonymous
%%
Love is a matter of chemistry, but Sex is a matter of physics.
-- Anonymous
%%
Love is blind; friendship closes its eyes. Friendship is the only cement that will hold the world together. Make new friends but keep the old ones; one is silver and the other's gold.
-- Anonymous
%%
My friend, why have you drifted so far away? All motion is relative, maybe it is you who have moved away by standing still.
-- Anonymous
%%
Never take life too seriously; after all, no one gets out of it alive.
-- Anonymous
%%
None but a mule denies his family.
-- Anonymous
%%
O God, thy sea is so great, and my boat is so small.
-- Anonymous
%%
Old soldiers never die. Young ones do.
-- Anonymous
%%
One cannot change the past, but one can ruin the present by worrying over the future.
-- Anonymous
%%
Pizza is a lot like sex. When it's good, it's really good. When it's bad, it's still pretty good.
-- Anonymous
%%
Remember, if you smoke after sex your doing it too fast.
-- Anonymous
%%
Sex is like snow... You never know how many inches you're going to get or how long it will last.
-- Anonymous
%%
So live that you can look any man in the eye and tell him to go to hell.
-- Anonymous
%%
Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself, And heed well their advice... even though they be turkeys.
-- Anonymous
%%
Strange how much you have to know before you know how little you know.
-- Anonymous
%%
Tell a man that there are 300 billion stars in the universe, and he'll believe you.... Tell him that a bench has wet paint upon it and he'll have to touch it to be sure.
-- Anonymous
%%
The best way out of a difficulty is through it.
-- Anonymous
%%
The chicken probably came before the egg, because it is hard to imagine God wanting to sit on an egg.
-- Anonymous
%%
The one who loves least controls the relationship.
-- Anonymous
%%
The only drawback with morning is that it comes at such an inconvenient time of day.
-- Anonymous
%%
The right half of the brain controls the left half of the body. This means that only left handed people are in their right mind.
-- Anonymous
%%
The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
-- Anonymous
%%
There is no genius free from some tincture of madness.
-- Anonymous
%%
Those who can't write, write manuals.
-- Anonymous
%%
To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.
-- Anonymous
%%
Unix is the answer, but only if you phrase the question very carefully.
-- Anonymous
%%
What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.
-- Anonymous
%%
When you don't have an education, you've got to use your brains.
-- Anonymous
%%
While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands you are safe, for you can watch both of his.
-- Anonymous
%%
Whoever loves instruction loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid.
-- Anonymous
%%
Woke up this morning and found myself dead.
-- Anonymous
%%
You are a fluke of the universe... You have no right to be here. Whether you can hear it or not, the universe is laughing behind your back.
-- Anonymous
%%
You are young at any age if you're planning for tomorrow.
-- Anonymous
%%
You can resole your boot, but you can't reboot your soul.
-- Anonymous
%%
100,000 lemmings can't be wrong.
-- Graffiti
%%
1948 ... A novel for dyslexics by George Orwel.
-- Graffiti
%%
A bank manager is someone who lends you an umbrella when the sun is shining, and who asks for it back when it start to rain.
-- Graffiti
%%
A friend in need is a pain in the ass.
-- Graffiti
%%
A man is as old as he feels. But never as important.
-- Graffiti
%%
A man is as old as the woman he feels.
-- Graffiti
%%
A phone call costs less than you think. Soon it'll cost more than you believe.
-- Graffiti
%%
A sense of humour is the difference between ambition and achievement.
-- Graffiti
%%
A seven day honeymoon makes one weak.
-- Graffiti
%%
Absolute zero is cool.
-- Graffiti
%%
Alas poor kilroY, I knew him backwards.
-- Graffiti
%%
All that glitters is not gold. - All that doesn't glitter isn't either.
-- Graffiti
%%
Always be sincere - Even when you don't mean it.
-- Graffiti
%%
Always put the important before the merely urgent.
-- Graffiti
%%
Always tell her she's pretty, especially when she isn't.
-- Graffiti
%%
Amnesia rules - O.
-- Graffiti
%%
An Australian lover is like a wombat :- he eats roots, shoots, and leaves.
-- Graffiti
%%
An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.
-- Graffiti
%%
An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought.
-- Graffiti
%%
Anarchists of the world unite !
-- Graffiti
%%
Anarchy, No rules - OK?
-- Graffiti
%%
Anyone who can see through a woman is missing a lot.
-- Graffiti
%%
Anyone who goes to see a psychiatrist, ought to have his head examined.
-- Graffiti
%%
Are you a schizo? - If so, that makes four of us.
-- Graffiti
%%
Arsonists of the world, ignite!
-- Graffiti
%%
Asking the boss for a rise may not be patriotic, but it will help the government with the extra tax if it comes off.
-- Graffiti
%%
Assassination is an extreme form of censorship.
-- Graffiti
%%
Australian foreplay - "Brace yerself Sheila."
-- Graffiti
%%
Avoid life - It'll kill you in the end.
-- Graffiti
%%
Be alert - your country needs lerts.
-- Graffiti
%%
Be apathetic today. - I think I'll leave it till tomorrow.
-- Graffiti
%%
Be creative, invent a perversion.
-- Graffiti
%%
Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors - (and miss).
-- Graffiti
%%
Blow your mind - smoke gunpowder.
-- Graffiti
%%
Charity covers a multitude of sins, but curiosity soon uncovers them again.
-- Graffiti
%%
Conscience is the little thing that tells you someone is sure to find out.
-- Graffiti
%%
Constipation is the thief of time.
-- Graffiti
%%
Dead people are cool.
-- Graffiti
%%
Death is hereditary.
-- Graffiti
%%
Definition of a prostitute - receiver of swollen goods.
-- Graffiti
%%
Do to the other fellow as he would do unto you. But for God's sake do it first!
-- Graffiti
%%
Don't drink water, fish breed in it.
-- Graffiti
%%
Don't Panic. Count to ten ... then Panic!
-- Graffiti
%%
Don't Panic. The Earth is just being demolished for a hyperspace bypass.
-- Graffiti
%%
Dyslexia rules KO.
-- Graffiti
%%
Dyslexics of the world untie !
-- Graffiti
%%
Einstein rules relatively OK - in theory anyway.
-- Graffiti
%%
Every man reaps what he sows, except the amateur gardener.
-- Graffiti
%%
Experience, the name given by men to their mistakes.
-- Graffiti
%%
Get stoned - Drink liquid cement.
-- Graffiti
%%
God is not dead - he just couldn't find a parking place.
-- Graffiti
%%
Happiness can't buy money.
-- Graffiti
%%
Have you read the Penguin Book of Quotations. I never realised penguins had that much to say.
-- Graffiti
%%
Help preserve wildlife. Pickle a Squirrel today!
-- Graffiti
%%
Heredity is the thing a child gets from the other side of the family.
-- Graffiti
%%
How do the Japanese do it? Because we let them.
-- Graffiti
%%
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it by not dying.
-- Graffiti
%%
I have a drink problem, I can't afford it.
-- Graffiti
%%
I looked up my wife's family tree. Most of her relatives are still climbing around in it.
-- Graffiti
%%
I used to be a schizophrenic, but now I'm lonely.
-- Graffiti
%%
I used to be indecisive; now I'm not sure.
-- Graffiti
%%
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
-- Graffiti
%%
I'm immortal - so far.
-- Graffiti
%%
If a woman wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.
-- Graffiti
%%
If God had not meant us to write on walls, he would never have given us an example.
-- Graffiti
%%
Ironic isn't it, that God gave the tortoise a drag factor of 0.03.
-- Graffiti
%%
Is the US ready for self-government?
-- Graffiti
%%
Is there an imaginary cure for hypochondria?
-- Graffiti
%%
It is now beyond any doubt that cigarettes are the biggest cause of statistics.
-- Graffiti
%%
Jesus Saves - and Dalglish gets the rebound!
-- Graffiti
%%
Jesus Saves - not on my salary he doesn't.
-- Graffiti
%%
Jesus Saves - with the Woolwich.
-- Graffiti
%%
Jesus Saves, Moses invests, but only Buddha pays dividends.
-- Graffiti
%%
Just because you're paranoid it doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.
-- Graffiti
%%
Just when I was getting used to yesterday along came today.
-- Graffiti
%%
Keep Britain tidy, shoot a tourist.
-- Graffiti
%%
Laugh, and the world laughs with you. - Snore and you sleep alone.
-- Graffiti
%%
Laugh, and the world thinks you are an idiot.
-- Graffiti
%%
Life is a sexually transmitted disease.
-- Graffiti
%%
Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
-- Graffiti
%%
Lord give me patience...... But Hurry!
-- Graffiti
%%
Love is blind. And when you get married you get your eyesight back.
-- Graffiti
%%
Love Thy Neighbour - But don't get caught.
-- Graffiti
%%
Make love, not war; get married and do both!
-- Graffiti
%%
Marijuana is nature's way of saying "high".
-- Graffiti
%%
Money isn't everything. - It isn't even enough!
-- Graffiti
%%
My wife wears rubber gear and whips me. Ohhhhh Kay!
-- Graffiti
%%
Neurotics build castles in the air. Psychotics live in them, and Psychiatrists charge them rent.
-- Graffiti
%%
Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
-- Graffiti
%%
No one feels as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
-- Graffiti
%%
People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. Neither should they nail up pictures.
-- Graffiti
%%
Racial prejudice is a pigment of the imagination.
-- Graffiti
%%
Real Ale - reaches the parts Heineken daren't mention.
-- Graffiti
%%
Reality is an illusion caused by lack of alcohol.
-- Graffiti
%%
Reality is for people who cannot cope with science fiction.
-- Graffiti
%%
Reincarnation is making a comeback!
-- Graffiti
%%
Sado-masochism means not having to say you're sorry.
-- Graffiti
%%
Save trees, eat more beavers.
-- Graffiti
%%
Say it with flowers - give her a trifid.
-- Graffiti
%%
Smile - things may get worse more slowly.
-- Graffiti
%%
Smoking - think of it as evolution in action.
-- Graffiti
%%
Study art and logic - learn to draw your own conclusions.
-- Graffiti
%%
Sudden prayers make God jump.
-- Graffiti
%%
Support British steel - smelt the Iron Lady.
-- Graffiti
%%
The Annual Conference of Clairvoyants has been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.
-- Graffiti
%%
The English country gentleman galloping after a fox - the unspeakable in pursuit of the uneatable.
-- Graffiti
%%
The first three minutes of your life can be dangerous ... The last three can be pretty dodgy too!
-- Graffiti
%%
The meek shall inherit the earth - in 6' x 2' plots.
-- Graffiti
%%
The reason that people here get lost in thought is because it's such unfamiliar territory.
-- Graffiti
%%
The road to success is usually under construction.
-- Graffiti
%%
The trouble with political jokes is that they get elected.
-- Graffiti
%%
Time is an illusion perpetrated by the manufacturers of space.
-- Graffiti
%%
Welsh men only marry Welsh women because sheep can't cook.
-- Graffiti
%%
When God shook the tree of life, all the nuts landed in California.
-- Graffiti
%%
"Faith" can be defined as "any man's hope that the human spirit is capable of understanding"; that anything actually matters in the larger universe; and that understanding anything could be important outside of our own selfish whims and desire to survive.... and somehow, because it is important, understanding can go on without us, waiting only to be rediscovered by the future, or at worst, pissed away, in spite of all our prayers, and work, and suffering.
-- Unknown
%%
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
-- Unknown
%%
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
-- Unknown
%%
A barber shop on a cruise ship gives crew cuts!
-- Unknown
%%
A bird in hand is safer than one overhead.
-- Unknown
%%
A chronic disposition to inquiry deprives domestic felines of vital qualities.
-- Unknown
%%
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
-- Unknown
%%
A critic is a legless man who teaches running.
-- Unknown
%%
A diamond cannot be polished without friction, nor the man perfected without trials.
-- Unknown
%%
A dog does not bite the hand that feeds him. That is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
-- Unknown
%%
A faithful car will continue to be faithful until the day you fit it with four brand new tyres, then it will fall apart.
-- Unknown
%%
A friend is someone who likes you in spite of yourself.
-- Unknown
%%
A good memory does not equal pale ink.
-- Unknown
%%
A heart that loves is always young.
-- Unknown
%%
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
-- Unknown
%%
A king's castle is his home.
-- Unknown
%%
A liberal is a conservative who's been arrested. A conservative is a liberal who's been mugged.
-- Unknown
%%
A man who turns green has eschewed protein.
-- Unknown
%%
A mind is like a parachute. It's only useful when it's open.
-- Unknown
%%
A minute now is better than a minute later.
-- Unknown
%%
A penny saved is ridiculous.
-- Unknown
%%
A pipe gives a wise man time to think and a fool something to stick in his mouth.
-- Unknown
%%
A plucked goose doesn't lay golden eggs.
-- Unknown
%%
A religious conservative is a fanatic about a dead radical.
-- Unknown
%%
A rolling stone gathers momentum.
-- Unknown
%%
A skunk is better company than a person who prides himself on being "frank."
-- Unknown
%%
A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.
-- Unknown
%%
A society without religion is like a crazed psychopath without a loaded .45!
-- Unknown
%%
A Wise Man can see more from the bottom of a well than a Fool can see from the top of a mountain.
-- Unknown
%%
A £300 safety device will protect a 10p fuse from blowing.
-- Unknown
%%
Access Time: The time between the instant at which information is called for, and the instant at which management expects the final report.
-- Unknown
%%
Adolescence: a stage between infancy and adultery.
-- Unknown
%%
After all is said and done, a lot more has been said than done.
-- Unknown
%%
Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill.
-- Unknown
%%
Alimony and bribes will engage a large share of your wealth.
-- Unknown
%%
All that glitters has a high refractive index.
-- Unknown
%%
Always be happy, but never be satisfied.
-- Unknown
%%
Always draw your curves then plot the readings.
-- Unknown
%%
Always remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else.
-- Unknown
%%
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
-- Unknown
%%
An authority is somebody who can tell you more about something than you really care to know.
-- Unknown
%%
An easily understood, workable falsehood is more useful than a complex incomprehensible truth.
-- Unknown
%%
An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
-- Unknown
%%
Anarchy is better than no government at all.
-- Unknown
%%
And so we plough along, as the fly said to the ox.
-- Unknown
%%
Animals can be driven crazy by placing too many in too small a pen. Homo sapiens is the only animal that voluntarily does this to himself.
-- Unknown
%%
Another ingredient for a happy marriage: In a family argument, if it turns out you are right - apologise at once!
-- Unknown
%%
Any given program, once running, is obsolete.
-- Unknown
%%
Any inanimate object, regardless of its position, configuration or purpose, may be expected to perform at any time in a totally unexpected manner for reasons that are either entirely obscure or else completely mysterious.
-- Unknown
%%
Any small object when dropped will hide under a larger object.
-- Unknown
%%
Any tool dropped while repairing a car will roll underneath to the exact centre.
-- Unknown
%%
Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
-- Unknown
%%
Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening!
-- Unknown
%%
Anything that begins well ends badly. Anything that begins badly ends worse.
-- Unknown
%%
Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
-- Unknown
%%
As a goat herd learns his trade by goat, so a writer learns his trade by wrote.
-- Unknown
%%
As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existance is to kindle a light of meaning in the darkness of mere being.
-- Unknown
%%
As you read the scroll, it vanishes...
-- Unknown
%%
Assembler: One who drops his card deck.
-- Unknown
%%
Avoid quiet and passive persons, unless you are in need of sleep.
-- Unknown
%%
Back up my hard drive? I can't find the reverse switch!
-- Unknown
%%
Bad spellers of the world, untie!
-- Unknown
%%
Be happy while you're living, for you're a long time dead.
-- Unknown
%%
Be moderate where pleasure is concerned, avoid fatigue.
-- Unknown
%%
Be not afraid of growing slowly, be only afraid of standing still.
-- Unknown
%%
Beauty lies in the hands of the beerholder.
-- Unknown
%%
Bedfellows make strange politicians.
-- Unknown
%%
Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.
-- Unknown
%%
Beer - it's not just for breakfast any more.
-- Unknown
%%
Beer is good food.
-- Unknown
%%
Beer. If you can't taste it, why bother!
-- Unknown
%%
Beer: Nature's laxative.
-- Unknown
%%
Behind every argument is someone's ignorance.
-- Unknown
%%
Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.
-- Unknown
%%
Beware of quantum ducks. <quark> <quark>
-- Unknown
%%
Bicycle Law: A 30 pound bicycle needs a 20 pound lock. A 40 pound bicycle needs a 10 pound lock. A 50 pound bicycle doesn't need a lock. All bicycles weigh 50 pounds.
-- Unknown
%%
Bit: The increment by which programmers slowly go mad.
-- Unknown
%%
Brain..... The apparatus with which we think that we think.
-- Unknown
%%
Breakpoint: The point at which programmer increments past last bit available.
-- Unknown
%%
Bubble Memory: A derogatory term, usually referring to a person's intelligence. See also 'Vacuum tube'.
-- Unknown
%%
Buck up, little camper. Things aren't so bad.
-- Unknown
%%
Bug: Small living things that small living boys throw on small living girls.
-- Unknown
%%
Buy old masters. They bring better prices than young mistresses.
-- Unknown
%%
Call on God, but row away from the rocks.
-- Unknown
%%
Carelessly planned projects take three times longer to complete than expected. Carefully planned projects take only twice as long.
-- Unknown
%%
Cats are like Baptists. They raise hell but you can't catch them at it.
-- Unknown
%%
Celibacy is not hereditary.
-- Unknown
%%
Chaining: A method of attaching programmers to desk, to speed up output.
-- Unknown
%%
Checkpoint: The location from which a programmer draws his salary.
-- Unknown
%%
Christ died for our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them?
-- Unknown
%%
Civilization Law #1: Civilization advances by extending the number of important operations one can do without thinking about them.
-- Unknown
%%
Clean mind, clean body: Take your pick.
-- Unknown
%%
Cogito ergo spud. [I think, therefore I yam.]
-- Unknown
%%
College doesn't warp reality, it just gives you a better sense of how warped reality is.
-- Unknown
%%
Compile: A heap of decomposing vegetable matter.
-- Unknown
%%
Computer hackers do it all night long.
-- Unknown
%%
Computer modellers simulate it first.
-- Unknown
%%
Computer programmers don't byte, they nibble a bit.
-- Unknown
%%
Computer programmers know how to use their hardware.
-- Unknown
%%
Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
-- Unknown
%%
Computing power increases as the square of the cost.
-- Unknown
%%
Conscience: Something that feels terrible when every thing else feels swell.
-- Unknown
%%
Conversation enriches the understanding, but solitude is the soul of genius.
-- Unknown
%%
Core storage: A receptacle for the centre section of apples.
-- Unknown
%%
Counter: An area over which martini's are served.
-- Unknown
%%
Courage is your greatest present need.
-- Unknown
%%
Crash: What a detached programmer would dearly love to do, for at least eight hours.
-- Unknown
%%
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.
-- Unknown
%%
CRT: A movie about a little alien who forgets his telephone number and must write home.
-- Unknown
%%
Cursor: An expert in four-letter words.
-- Unknown
%%
Darkness reigns at the foot of the lighthouse.
-- Unknown
%%
Death is Nature's way of saying 'slow down'.
-- Unknown
%%
Default: De line west of which de state of California will float off to sea at de next major quake.
-- Unknown
%%
Device: Medieval torture instrument such as thumbscrew, iron maiden.
-- Unknown
%%
Do not believe in miracles - rely on them.
-- Unknown
%%
Do not clog intellect's sluices with knowledge of questionable uses.
-- Unknown
%%
Do something unusual today. Accomplish work on the computer.
-- Unknown
%%
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
-- Unknown
%%
Documentation is like sex; When it's good, it's fantastic, when it's bad...
-- Unknown
%%
Documentation: A manual which tells you how to use a program, system, or utility one version ago, and which is now unsupported.
-- Unknown
%%
Don't build a new ship out of old wood.
-- Unknown
%%
Don't force it, get a larger hammer.
-- Unknown
%%
Don't hate yourself in the morning ... sleep till noon.
-- Unknown
%%
Don't worry if you're a kleptomaniac; you can always take something for it.
-- Unknown
%%
Draft beer, not people!
-- Unknown
%%
Drive defensively ... buy a tank.
-- Unknown
%%
Earn cash in your spare time ... blackmail friends.
-- Unknown
%%
Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
-- Unknown
%%
Error: What someone else has made when they disagree with your computer output.
-- Unknown
%%
Eschew obfuscation.
-- Unknown
%%
Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty.
-- Unknown
%%
Every man dies; not every man lives.
-- Unknown
%%
Every Titanic has its iceberg.
-- Unknown
%%
Everybody should believe in something - I believe I'll have another drink.
-- Unknown
%%
Experiments should be reproducible, they should all fail in the same way.
-- Unknown
%%
External Storage: Wastebasket.
-- Unknown
%%
Familiarity breeds attempt.
-- Unknown
%%
Familiarity breeds children.
-- Unknown
%%
Fear explanations explanatory of things explained.
-- Unknown
%%
First Law of Advice: The correct advice is to give the advice that is desired.
-- Unknown
%%
First Law of Evolving System Dynamics: Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a larger can (old worms never die, they just worm their way into larger cans).
-- Unknown
%%
First Law of Laboratory Work: Hot glass looks exactly the same as cold glass.
-- Unknown
%%
First Law of Revision (often called the 'Now They Tell Us' Law): Information necessitating a change of design will be conveyed to the designer after - and only after - the plans are complete.
-- Unknown
%%
Five Thumb Postulate: Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
-- Unknown
%%
Fixed Word Length: Four letter word used by programmers in a state of confusion.
-- Unknown
%%
Flies spread disease. Keep yours zipped.
-- Unknown
%%
Follow the tradition that's been followed for centuries ... Die!
-- Unknown
%%
Fools rush in where fools have been before.
-- Unknown
%%
For god so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever would believe in him would believe in anything.
-- Unknown
%%
For people who like peace and quiet - a phoneless cord!
-- Unknown
%%
For people who like that kind of thing, that is the kind of thing they will like.
-- Unknown
%%
Friends don't let friends drink Light Beer.
-- Unknown
%%
Frustration is the hall-mark of genius.
-- Unknown
%%
God cannot be both all good and all powerful. For if he will not defeat the devil, he cannot be all good. If he cannot, then he is not all powerful.
-- Unknown
%%
God didn't create the world in 7 days. He pulled an all-nighter on the 6th.
-- Unknown
%%
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
-- Unknown
%%
Going the speed of light is bad for your age.
-- Unknown
%%
Good judgement comes from experience which comes from poor judgement.
-- Unknown
%%
Good things come to those who wait.
-- Unknown
%%
Gravity doesn't exist; The earth sucks.
-- Unknown
%%
Guns don't die. People do.
-- Unknown
%%
Half the truth is often a great lie.
-- Unknown
%%
Handy Guide to Modern Science: If it's green or it wiggles, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it doesn't work, its physics.
-- Unknown
%%
Happiness is like a sunbeam, which the least shadow intercepts, while adversity is often as the rain of spring.
-- Unknown
%%
Hardware: Nuts, bolts, and circuit boards "left over" after repairman has reassembled cpu.
-- Unknown
%%
Hardware: Typically boots, leather, and chains. Contrast with software.
-- Unknown
%%
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
-- Unknown
%%
He laughs best who laughs last.
-- Unknown
%%
He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.
-- Unknown
%%
He who dares nothing, need not hope for anything.
-- Unknown
%%
He who has a choice has trouble.
-- Unknown
%%
He who hesitates is sometimes saved.
-- Unknown
%%
He who kisses and tells is begging for competition.
-- Unknown
%%
He who never fell never climbed.
-- Unknown
%%
He who seeks revenge should remember to dig two graves.
-- Unknown
%%
He who survives will see the outcome.
-- Unknown
%%
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
-- Unknown
%%
Help me to resist temptation, Lord, especially when I know no one is looking.
-- Unknown
%%
Help support helpless victims of computer error.
-- Unknown
%%
Hesitation is the thief of time.
-- Unknown
%%
Hide your body in the Big Dipper.
-- Unknown
%%
History does not repeat itself, historians merely repeat each other.
-- Unknown
%%
Hold a true friend with both your hands.
-- Unknown
%%
Honesty without Compassion is Brutality.
-- Unknown
%%
I despise the pleasure of pleasing people whom I despise.
-- Unknown
%%
I have yet to see any problem, which, when you looked at it the right way, did not become still more complicated.
-- Unknown
%%
I like work ... I can sit and watch it for hours.
-- Unknown
%%
I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent.
-- Unknown
%%
I went to the general store and they wouldn't let me buy anything specific!
-- Unknown
%%
I'd insult you, but you're not bright enough to notice.
-- Unknown
%%
I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
-- Unknown
%%
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
-- Unknown
%%
I'm defending her honour, which is more than she ever did.
-- Unknown
%%
I'm going to speak my mind because I have nothing to lose.
-- Unknown
%%
I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it!
-- Unknown
%%
I'm really enjoying not talking to you, so let's not talk again real soon, okay?
-- Unknown
%%
I/O Device: Note you sign for the bank in/order to get loan for new (old) car.
-- Unknown
%%
Idleness is the holiday of fools.
-- Unknown
%%
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
-- Unknown
%%
If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
-- Unknown
%%
If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
-- Unknown
%%
If an experiment works, you must be using the wrong equipment.
-- Unknown
%%
If at first you don't succeed, blame the teacher.
-- Unknown
%%
If at first you don't succeed, give up.
-- Unknown
%%
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then give up.
-- Unknown
%%
If believing in God helps you be a better person, then go right ahead. I feel that God is a placebo, covering up a man's inability to believe in himself.
-- Unknown
%%
If God lived on Earth, people would knock out all His windows.
-- Unknown
%%
If it can be borrowed and it can be broken, you will borrow it and you will break it.
-- Unknown
%%
If it looks easy, it's tough. If it looks tough, it's damn near impossible.
-- Unknown
%%
If it pours before seven, it has rained by eleven.
-- Unknown
%%
If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
-- Unknown
%%
If life seems jolly rotten, there's something you've forgotten, and that's to laugh and dance and jump and sing.
-- Unknown
%%
If love is shelter, I'm going to walk in the rain.
-- Unknown
%%
If mathematically you end up with the incorrect answer, try multiplying by the page number.
-- Unknown
%%
If money could talk, it would say goodbye.
-- Unknown
%%
If more than one person is responsible for a miscalculation, no one will be at fault.
-- Unknown
%%
If nothing beats a Bud, given the choice, I'd take the nothing...
-- Unknown
%%
If nothing ever sticks to teflon, how do they make teflon stick to the pan?
-- Unknown
%%
If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on vacation.
-- Unknown
%%
If the wind will not serve, take to the oars.
-- Unknown
%%
If voting changed anything, they'd make it illegal.
-- Unknown
%%
If we don't change our direction, we'll end up where we're headed.
-- Unknown
%%
If you are feeling good, don't worry, you'll soon get over it.
-- Unknown
%%
If you can't tie good knots... tie many.
-- Unknown
%%
If you don't change your direction, you may end up where you were headed.
-- Unknown
%%
If you explain so clearly that no one can misunderstand, somebody will.
-- Unknown
%%
If you feel like exercising, lie down until the feeling passes.
-- Unknown
%%
If you had your life to live over again, you'd need more money.
-- Unknown
%%
If you haven't all the things you want, be grateful for the things you don't have that you wouldn't want.
-- Unknown
%%
If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you. If you really make them think they'll hate you.
-- Unknown
%%
If you neglect your art for one day it will neglect you for two.
-- Unknown
%%
If you only look at what is, you might never attain what could be.
-- Unknown
%%
If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
-- Unknown
%%
If you try and please everybody, nobody will like it.
-- Unknown
%%
If you want your name spelt wrong, die.
-- Unknown
%%
If you wish to learn the highest truths, begin with the alphabet.
-- Unknown
%%
If you would keep a secret from an enemy, tell it not to a friend.
-- Unknown
%%
If you're coasting, you're going downhill.
-- Unknown
%%
If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
-- Unknown
%%
If you're not part of the solution, be part of the problem!
-- Unknown
%%
In any computer system, the machine will always misinterpret, misconstrue, misprint, or not evaluate any math or subroutines or fail to print any output on at least the first run through.
-- Unknown
%%
In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains there.
-- Unknown
%%
In any household, junk accumulates to fill the storage space available.
-- Unknown
%%
In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
-- Unknown
%%
In every organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person must be fired.
-- Unknown
%%
In nature, nothing is ever right. therefore, if everything is going right... SOMETHING IS WRONG.
-- Unknown
%%
In the beginning was the word - and the word was four bytes. (from the bible?)
-- Unknown
%%
In the field of observation, chance favours only the prepared minds.
-- Unknown
%%
Incompetence knows no barriers of time or place.
-- Unknown
%%
Information travels more surely to those with a lesser need to know.
-- Unknown
%%
Insanity is hereditary - You get it from your children.
-- Unknown
%%
Inside every small problem is a large problem struggling to get out.
-- Unknown
%%
Internal consistency is more highly valued than efficiency.
-- Unknown
%%
It could always be worse; It might be my problem!
-- Unknown
%%
It could be worse ... it could be raining.
-- Unknown
%%
It does not matter if you fall down as long as you pick something from the floor when you get up.
-- Unknown
%%
It is a poor workman who blames his tools.
-- Unknown
%%
It is better for civilisation to be going down the drain than to be coming up it.
-- Unknown
%%
It is better to be a coward for a minute than dead for the rest of your life.
-- Unknown
%%
It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
-- Unknown
%%
It is not enough to aim, you must hit.
-- Unknown
%%
It is wise to keep in mind that no success or failure is necessarily final.
-- Unknown
%%
It takes time to build a castle.
-- Unknown
%%
It was a book to kill time for those who liked it better dead.
-- Unknown
%%
It works better when you turn the brightness up.
-- Unknown
%%
It's always easy to see both sides of an issue we are not particularly concerned about.
-- Unknown
%%
It's better to have beer in hand than gas in tank.
-- Unknown
%%
It's easier to believe in God than to accept the blame ourselves.
-- Unknown
%%
It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
-- Unknown
%%
It's not how big your pencil is, but how you write your name.
-- Unknown
%%
It's not reality that's important, but how you perceive things.
-- Unknown
%%
It's not that you and I are so clever, but that the others are such fools.
-- Unknown
%%
It's only too late when you're dead.
-- Unknown
%%
It's sweet to be remembered, but it's often cheaper to be forgotten.
-- Unknown
%%
It's your god, They're your rules, *You* go to hell.
-- Unknown
%%
Join the army, see the world, meet interesting people and kill them.
-- Unknown
%%
Judge not the horse by his saddle.
-- Unknown
%%
Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer.
-- Unknown
%%
Just because you ignore the facts, does not mean they cease to exist.
-- Unknown
%%
Know what to kiss... and when.
-- Unknown
%%
Laughter is the shock absorber of life's blows.
-- Unknown
%%
Law of Communications: The result of improved and enlarged communications is a vastly increased area of misunderstanding.
-- Unknown
%%
Law of Reruns: If you have watched a TV series only once, and you watch it again, it will be a rerun of the same episode.
-- Unknown
%%
Law of Selective Gravity: An object will fall so as to do the most damage.
-- Unknown
%%
Law of the Perversity of Nature: You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
-- Unknown
%%
Leakproof seals - will. Self starters - will not.
-- Unknown
%%
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
-- Unknown
%%
Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
-- Unknown
%%
Library: An organized collection of obsolete material.
-- Unknown
%%
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.
-- Unknown
%%
Life is a yo-yo, and mankind ties knots in the string.
-- Unknown
%%
Life is like an onion; You peel off layer after layer, then you find there is nothing in it.
-- Unknown
%%
Life is too short to drink cheap beer.
-- Unknown
%%
Life would be unbearable if death were not worse yet.
-- Unknown
%%
Life's a bitch, then you die.
-- Unknown
%%
Life's tough, but it's tougher if you're stupid.
-- Unknown
%%
Like all self-made men, he worships his creator.
-- Unknown
%%
Like winter snow on summer lawn, time past is time gone.
-- Unknown
%%
Live fast, Die young, Leave a good looking corpse.
-- Unknown
%%
Live is sentimental measles.
-- Unknown
%%
Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do it.
-- Unknown
%%
Logic ... The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacitates of human misunderstanding.
-- Unknown
%%
Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.
-- Unknown
%%
Love doesn't cause pain, people do.
-- Unknown
%%
Love is knowing that you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, and not knowing if they want to spend it with you.
-- Unknown
%%
Love is perfect, even when we are not.
-- Unknown
%%
Love is very real, you will find it someday, but it has one enemy-and that's life.
-- Unknown
%%
Love is what the heart needs.
-- Unknown
%%
Love makes the time pass. Time makes love pass.
-- Unknown
%%
Love may conquer everything but it needs time as its field general.
-- Unknown
%%
Love. What is love? No one can define it, its something so great, only God could design it. Yes, love is beyond, what man can define, for love is immortal, and God's gift is divine.
-- Unknown
%%
Low Order Position: The programmer's location in the chain of command.
-- Unknown
%%
Luck is like having a rice dumpling fly into your mouth.
-- Unknown
%%
Mainframe: Primary person who just got set up for the blame of the system crash.
-- Unknown
%%
Make new friends but keep the old; One is silver and the other's gold.
-- Unknown
%%
Me paranoid? Who wants to know?!?!
-- Unknown
%%
Mediocrity thrives on standardization.
-- Unknown
%%
Men seldom show dimples to girls who have pimples.
-- Unknown
%%
Microsecond: Amount of time needed for a program to bomb.
-- Unknown
%%
Millions cry themselves to sleep each night. Thousands are slain daily. Hatred is spawned by the minute. Resulting in an endless, pointless cycle. This isn't war. This is your reality. Where is your god now?
-- Unknown
%%
Monday is a hard way to spend one seventh of your life.
-- Unknown
%%
Money can't buy happiness, but it can certainly rent it for a few hours.
-- Unknown
%%
Money is truthful. If a man speaks of his honour, make him pay cash.
-- Unknown
%%
Money will say more in one moment than the most eloquent lover can in years.
-- Unknown
%%
Money wouldn't be so important if everybody didn't want some.
-- Unknown
%%
Moral: Design before you implement.
-- Unknown
%%
Nanosecond: Measure of time on Mork's planet Ork.
-- Unknown
%%
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
-- Unknown
%%
Negative slack tends to increase.
-- Unknown
%%
Never argue with a fool, people might not be able to tell you apart!
-- Unknown
%%
Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
-- Unknown
%%
Never bolt your door with a boiled carrot.
-- Unknown
%%
Never come between a dog and his bone.
-- Unknown
%%
Never eat prunes when you are famished.
-- Unknown
%%
Never get into fights with ugly people because they have nothing to lose.
-- Unknown
%%
Never go to a doctor who's office plants have died.
-- Unknown
%%
Never lick a gift horse in the mouth.
-- Unknown
%%
Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance.
-- Unknown
%%
Never play leapfrog with a Unicorn!
-- Unknown
%%
Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
-- Unknown
%%
Never swap horses crossing a stream.
-- Unknown
%%
Next to surviving an earthquake, nothing is quite so satisfying as receiving an income tax refund.
-- Unknown
%%
No books are lost by lending except those you particularly wanted to keep.
-- Unknown
%%
No matter what you've done for yourself or for humanity, if you can't look back on having given love and attention to your own family, what have you really accomplished?
-- Unknown
%%
No one's life, liberty, or property are safe while parliament is in session.
-- Unknown
%%
Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.
-- Unknown
%%
Nobody ever died badly. They got the job done, didn't they?
-- Unknown
%%
Non sequiturs make me eat lampshades.
-- Unknown
%%
Non-Reciprocal Law of Expectations: Negative expectations yield negative results. Positive expectations yield negative results.
-- Unknown
%%
Not everyone can carry the weight of the world.
-- Unknown
%%
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
-- Unknown
%%
Ode to Turbulent Flow. -... Big whirls have little whirls Which feed on their velocity, And little whirls have lesser whirls And so on, to viscosity.
-- Unknown
%%
Of all forms of caution, caution in love is the most fatal.
-- Unknown
%%
Of all the sexual aberrations, perhaps the most peculiar is chastity.
-- Unknown
%%
Of the choice of two evils, I pick the one I've never tried before.
-- Unknown
%%
Off line: Uncharitable remarks programmer makes to wife or husband upon being phoned at 9pm to come in because system just crashed.
-- Unknown
%%
Old age is always 15 years older than I am.
-- Unknown
%%
Old age is the only disease you don't look forward to the end of.
-- Unknown
%%
Old MacDonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement.
-- Unknown
%%
Old men are fond of giving good advice to console themselves for their inability to give bad examples.
-- Unknown
%%
Oliver Wendell Holmes told us that taxes are the price we pay for civilization. We want a refund.
-- Unknown
%%
On a beautiful day like this, it is hard to believe that anyone can be unhappy - but we're working on it.
-- Unknown
%%
On a clear disk you can seek forever.
-- Unknown
%%
On-line: Programmer trying to deal rationally on phone with management at 9pm.
-- Unknown
%%
One man tells a falsehood, a hundred repeat it as true.
-- Unknown
%%
One pound of learning requires 10 pounds of common sense to apply it.
-- Unknown
%%
Only those who attempt the absurd can achieve the impossible.
-- Unknown
%%
Opinions founded on prejudice are always sustained with the greatest violence.
-- Unknown
%%
Orator: Possessing a flood of words and a drop of reason.
-- Unknown
%%
Output: What people who talk backwards do to their cats.
-- Unknown
%%
Patience is something that you admire greatly in the driver behind you but not in the one ahead of you.
-- Unknown
%%
People are ready enough to laugh at you. Don't make faces in order to encourage them.
-- Unknown
%%
People look, but they do not see.
-- Unknown
%%
Peripheral: Now you see it, now you don't...
-- Unknown
%%
Pray to God, but keep rowing to shore.
-- Unknown
%%
Printed on 100% recycled electrons.
-- Unknown
%%
Printout: A document to verify data you know is wrong anyway.
-- Unknown
%%
Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it.
-- Unknown
%%
Program: What commercials try to do to us.
-- Unknown
%%
Programmer: Red eyed mumbling mammal, capable of communicating with inanimate objects.
-- Unknown
%%
Pros are people who do jobs well even when they don't feel like it.
-- Unknown
%%
Put it back in the horse! H. Allen Smith, an American humorist in the '30s-'50s, after he drank his first American beer at a bar.
-- Unknown
%%
Put not your trust in money, but put your money in trust.
-- Unknown
%%
Que sera sera.
-- Unknown
%%
Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.
-- Unknown
%%
Real Time: Here and now, as opposed to "fake time" which only occurs there and then.
-- Unknown
%%
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
-- Unknown
%%
Reality is for people who lack imagination.
-- Unknown
%%
Reality's the only obstacle to happiness.
-- Unknown
%%
Rejoice, rejoice ... we have no choice but to carry on.
-- Unknown
%%
Religion's biggest enemy is the age of information.
-- Unknown
%%
Remember that two wrongs never make a right, but that three do.
-- Unknown
%%
Reputation: What others are not thinking about you.
-- Unknown
%%
ROM: A RAM after a delicate operation.
-- Unknown
%%
Saints fly only in the eyes of their disciples.
-- Unknown
%%
Screw up your life, you've screwed everything else up.
-- Unknown
%%
Scriptures: The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.
-- Unknown
%%
Second Law of Revision: The more innocuous the modification appears to be, the further its influence will extend and the more plans will have to be redrawn.
-- Unknown
%%
See the happy moron, He doesn't give a damn. I wish I were a moron, My God! Perhaps I am!
-- Unknown
%%
Sex is nobody's business except the three people involved.
-- Unknown
%%
Sex is the most fun you can have without smiling.
-- Unknown
%%
She was what they used to call a suicide blonde ... dyed by her own hand!
-- Unknown
%%
Show me a good loser and I'll show you a loser.
-- Unknown
%%
Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily. All other "sins" are invented nonsense. (Hurting yourself is not sinful - just stupid.)
-- Unknown
%%
So far from God, so close to the United States.
-- Unknown
%%
Some grow with responsibility, others just swell.
-- Unknown
%%
Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Others stay awhile, make footprints on our hearts and we are never, ever the same.
-- Unknown
%%
Some things are simple. Problem is, so are some people.
-- Unknown
%%
Sorry, but my karma just ran over your dogma.
-- Unknown
%%
Source file: One which was "appropriated" from one of the competitors.
-- Unknown
%%
Speed bumps are of negligible effect when the vehicle exceeds triple the restraining speed.
-- Unknown
%%
Standing on head makes smile of frown, but rest of face also upside down.
-- Unknown
%%
Statistics are like a Bikini. What they revel is very nice. What they conceal is even more important.
-- Unknown
%%
Statistics are used as a drunken man uses lamp posts: For support rather than illumination.
-- Unknown
%%
Success is more attitude then aptitude.
-- Unknown
%%
Success isn't how far you got, but the distance you travelled from where you started.
-- Unknown
%%
Switch: When management changes its mind.
-- Unknown
%%
Take everything in stride. Trample anyone who gets in your way.
-- Unknown
%%
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
-- Unknown
%%
Tell the truth and run.
-- Unknown
%%
Terminal: What most people have to be before they see a doctor.
-- Unknown
%%
The Aeroplane Law: When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time.
-- Unknown
%%
The amount of expertise varies in inverse ratio to the number of statements understood by the general public.
-- Unknown
%%
The angle of the dangle is proportional to the heat of the meat provided the urge remains constant.
-- Unknown
%%
The attention span of a computer is as long as its electrical cord.
-- Unknown
%%
The bigger a person's head gets, the easier it is to fill their shoes.
-- Unknown
%%
The devil would be the best way out as an excuse for God.... But even so, one can hold God responsible for the existence of the Devil.
-- Unknown
%%
The dog's kennel is not the place to keep a sausage.
-- Unknown
%%
The drowning man is not troubled by rain.
-- Unknown
%%
The Five stages of drunkenness: Verbose, jocose, lachrymose, bellicose, comatose.
-- Unknown
%%
The forces of evil can marshal even more support than the forces of good, especially when pizza is served.
-- Unknown
%%
The goal of science is to build a better mousetrap. The goal of nature is to build a better mouse.
-- Unknown
%%
The Golden Rule tarnishes unless polished with use.
-- Unknown
%%
The good die young - because they see it's no use living if you've got to be good.
-- Unknown
%%
The journey is the reward.
-- Unknown
%%
The labouring people found the prisons always open to receive them, but the courts of justice were practically closed to them.
-- Unknown
%%
The lagging activity in a project will invariably be found in the area where highest overtime rates lie waiting.
-- Unknown
%%
The Law of Selective Gravity (The Buttered Side Down Law): An object will fall so as to do the most damage.
-- Unknown
%%
The life of man is the true romance, which when it is valiantly conducted will yield the imagination a higher joy than fiction.
-- Unknown
%%
The light at the end of the tunnel is likely to be the headlamp of an oncoming train.
-- Unknown
%%
The lion and the calf shall lie down together, but the calf won't get much sleep.
-- Unknown
%%
The man who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones.
-- Unknown
%%
The man who strikes first admits that his ideas have given out.
-- Unknown
%%
The meek will inherit the Earth..... The rest of us will go to the stars.
-- Unknown
%%
The most dangerous food is a wedding cake.
-- Unknown
%%
The nail that sticks out must be hammered down.
-- Unknown
%%
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
-- Unknown
%%
The only differences are differences of degree between degrees of difference and no difference.
-- Unknown
%%
The only knowledge that can hurt you is the knowledge you don't have.
-- Unknown
%%
The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
-- Unknown
%%
The other line always moves faster.
-- Unknown
%%
The philosophy exam was a piece of cake ... which was a bit of a surprise, actually, because I was expecting some questions on a sheet of paper.
-- Unknown
%%
The rich get richer, the poor get children.
-- Unknown
%%
The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.
-- Unknown
%%
The sin is not falling down, but staying down.
-- Unknown
%%
The two hardest things to handle in life are failure and success.
-- Unknown
%%
The usefulness of a meeting is inversely proportional to its attendance.
-- Unknown
%%
The way the world looks depends on how you're sitting.
-- Unknown
%%
The woman cries before he wedding, the man after.
-- Unknown
%%
The world needs ditch-diggers too.
-- Unknown
%%
Theatre is life. Film is art. Television is furniture.
-- Unknown
%%
There are days when no matter which way you spit, it's upwind.
-- Unknown
%%
There are very few personal problems that can't be solved by a suitable application of high explosives.
-- Unknown
%%
There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
-- Unknown
%%
There is only one sort of love but there are a thousand of copies.
-- Unknown
%%
There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over.
-- Unknown
%%
This blank intentionally spaced.
-- Unknown
%%
This life is a test. It is only a test. Had this been an actual life, you would have received further instructions as to what to do and where to go. You may or may not be issued an actual life later.
-- Unknown
%%
This space left intentionally blank.
-- Unknown
%%
To be heard, there are times you must be silent.
-- Unknown
%%
To be, or not to be, those are the parameters.
-- Unknown
%%
To believe in one's dreams is to spend all of one's life asleep.
-- Unknown
%%
To err is human, to purr feline.
-- Unknown
%%
To err is human, to really foul things up requires a computer.
-- Unknown
%%
To everyone is given the key to heaven; the same key opens the gates of hell.
-- Unknown
%%
To guess is cheap. To guess wrong is expensive.
-- Unknown
%%
To sing the blues you've got to live the dues.
-- Unknown
%%
To thine own self be true, and it must follow as the night the day thou canst not then be false to any man.
-- Unknown
%%
To want peace and quiet above all else is to hope for death.
-- Unknown
%%
Today is the last day of your life so far.
-- Unknown
%%
Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday.
-- Unknown
%%
Tomorrow is often the busiest time of the year.
-- Unknown
%%
Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them become what they are capable of being.
-- Unknown
%%
Truth is the safest lie.
-- Unknown
%%
Two wrongs do not make a right; it usually takes three or more.
-- Unknown
%%
Under capitalism man exploits man; under socialism the reverse is true.
-- Unknown
%%
Virtue is its own reward, but then so is sin!
-- Unknown
%%
Vivi, mortuus sum, non curo. [I lived, I'm dead, I don't care]
-- Unknown
%%
Waking a person unnecessary should not be considered a capital crime. For a first offence, that is.
-- Unknown
%%
Walk softly but carry a big stick.
-- Unknown
%%
Want a taste of religion? Bite a minister.
-- Unknown
%%
Wars are not fought to decide who is right - only who is left.
-- Unknown
%%
Wasting time is an important part of life.
-- Unknown
%%
We are no more than candles burning in the wind.
-- Unknown
%%
We do not inherit this land from our ancestors; we borrow it from our children.
-- Unknown
%%
We should forgive our enemies, but only after they've been taken out and shot.
-- Unknown
%%
We'll burn that bridge when we come to it.
-- Unknown
%%
We'll get along fine as soon as you realize I'm God.
-- Unknown
%%
What do you give to a man who has everything? Penicillin!
-- Unknown
%%
What garlic is to food, insanity is to art.
-- Unknown
%%
What is my loftiest ambition? I've always wanted to throw an egg at an electric fan.
-- Unknown
%%
What men usually ask for when they pray to God is, that two and two may not make four.
-- Unknown
%%
What you can not avoid, Welcome.
-- Unknown
%%
What you say reveals much. What you don't say reveals much more.
-- Unknown
%%
What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know and I don't care!
-- Unknown
%%
When a compiler accepts a program without error on the first run, the program will not yield the desired output.
-- Unknown
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When a finger points at the moon, the imbecile looks at the finger.
-- Unknown
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When aiming for the common denominator, be prepared for the occasional division by zero.
-- Unknown
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When all else fails, read the instructions.
-- Unknown
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When an elephant is in trouble, even a frog will kick him.
-- Unknown
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When I am right nobody remembers... When I am wrong nobody forgets!
-- Unknown
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When I rest, I rust. [Rast ich, so rost ich.]
-- Unknown
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When in doubt, don't bother.
-- Unknown
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When in doubt, ignore it.
-- Unknown
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When no one had answers they created God. Now we have most of them, and one day we will have all of them, rendering God useless.
-- Unknown
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When someone says nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football.
-- Unknown
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When things are going well, somebody will experiment detrimentally.
-- Unknown
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When walking through a melon patch, don't adjust your sandals.
-- Unknown
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When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.
-- Unknown
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When you try to make an impression, the chances are that that is the impression you will make.
-- Unknown
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When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.
-- Unknown
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Where there's a will, there's an inheritance tax.
-- Unknown
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Where would we be without rhetorical questions?
-- Unknown
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Where you stand on an issue depends where you sit.
-- Unknown
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Wherever possible, put people on `HOLD'.
-- Unknown
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Who begins too much accomplishes little.
-- Unknown
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Whose diggeth a pit shall fall therein.
-- Unknown
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Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
-- Unknown
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Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
-- Unknown
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Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
-- Unknown
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Why can't life's big problems come when we are twenty and know everything?
-- Unknown
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Why do they put braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
-- Unknown
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Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
-- Unknown
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Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
-- Unknown
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Why is brassiere singular and panties plural?
-- Unknown
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Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
-- Unknown
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Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
-- Unknown
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Why is TV called a medium? Because nothing is rare or well-done.
-- Unknown
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Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
-- Unknown
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Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer.
-- Unknown
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Xerox does it again and again and again and...
-- Unknown
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Yesterday's a memory. Tomorrow's a vision. Today's a bitch.
-- Unknown
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You always find something in the last place you look.
-- Unknown
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You can always tell luck from ability by its duration.
-- Unknown
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You can fool some of the people all of the time, all of the people some of the time, but you can't fool mom.
-- Unknown
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You can get ANYWHERE in ten minutes if you drive fast enough.
-- Unknown
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You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him put on a swimsuit.
-- Unknown
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You can lead a man to knowledge, but you cannot make him think.
-- Unknown
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You can outdistance that which is running after you, but not what is running inside you.
-- Unknown
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You can prove anything if you make up your data.
-- Unknown
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You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you get what you need.
-- Unknown
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You have nothing to fear but fear itself. ... oh, yeah, and that exam next week.
-- Unknown
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You have the right to your opinions. I just don't want to hear them.
-- Unknown
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You know how most packages say "open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "open somewhere else?"
-- Unknown
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You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes; why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
-- Unknown
%%
You may believe you understand what you thought I said, but have you ever realised that what I said was not what you thought?
-- Unknown
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You must have crossed the river before you may tell the crocodile he has bad breath.
-- Unknown
%%
You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.
-- Unknown
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You will always find something in the last place you look.
-- Unknown
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You will remember that you forgot to take out the trash when the garbage truck is two doors away.
-- Unknown
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Young pigs grunt as loud as old pigs grunted before them.
-- Unknown
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Your freedom to swing your arm stops where my nose begins.
-- Unknown
%%
Zeal without knowledge is like fire without light.
